Wednesday, September 11, 2019

Lonely

I felt like I was going to be lonely at an event where at least a handful of people I know were going to be. What does that mean?

I felt like I’d be awkward and distant. I chose not to go. I was unsure how to feel the day of, the next day regret settled in. I don’t know why I didn’t go, it was hot, so that’s an easy excuse. It was an hour away, another convenient excuse. 

I don’t think they’re good enough reasons. I told a friend that I’d be there and I wasn’t. So I lied. I owed them an apology and gave them one. 

Being dependable is something I want to be. Maybe it means saying no from the beginning more often. But maybe it means I should go to that event regardless of how I currently feel.  Because nine times out of ten, I’m glad I went instead of stayed.